Bankhead

Recently, while sitting in my chair drinking the last of my breakfast coffee, a thought staggered into my mind. I must confess most thoughts are quite lonely once they enter my mind, but this one had a nagging element to it.

Experience has taught me I should never give in to these strange trespassers. Every time I entertain any of them, Im the one getting burnt.

This time was different. Dont ask me how it was different, or how I knew it was different, it just was. Of course, looking back I could have been wrong.

The thought: why not surprise my wife by baking her a cake?

I know what youre thinking. I thought the same thing when this suggested itself to me. But, the more I thought about it, the more delightfully delicious it sounded. How can anything go wrong if I am doing it for my wife?

The only question I needed to answer was what kind of cake should I bake.

After a long period of ruminating, I settled on a lemon sponge cake with peanut butter icing. This was going to be the best surprise my wife has ever received from me.

Sitting in a prominent place in the kitchen is my wifes Betty Crocker Cookbook. I dont know how long she has had that book, its been in our kitchen for as long as I can remember which really may not be that long when I come to think of it.

I took the book, sat in my favorite chair and opened it. How do you read a cookbook? As I leafed through it, it did not have any rhyme or reason to me. In musing on the book I said to myself, how important is it to follow directions?

Placing the book back in its revered spot, I concluded that since this was my cake, I didnt need help from anybody else, particularly Betty Crocker. This is the difference between men and women. Women need a lot of directions, while men enjoy the liberty of doing their own thing.

I knew exactly what I wanted. A lemon sponge cake, with peanut butter icing. What could be simpler?

Retrieving a large mixing bowl, I assembled all the ingredients I needed; flour, sugar, eggs, milk and baking powder. Everyone knows you cannot bake without baking powder.

I have no idea what baking powder is, except when you bake you use baking powder.

I put everything in the mixing bowl. The only thing I wasnt quite sure of was the measure, but how hard could that be anyway? Betty Crocker mentioned a cup of this and a cup of that, but never defined what she meant by a cup.

I went to the cupboard and looked at all the cups. There were all kinds and sizes of cups and I did not know which one to use. I eyed a large coffee cup and said to myself, this will do just fine.

I dumped 6 or 8 cups of flour into the mixing bowl, I cant remember how many. Then I cracked a dozen eggs and put that into the mixing bowl as well. Pouring a quart of milk into the mixing bowl, I whipped everything into a nice batter.

This was to be a lemon sponge cake but I could find nothing marked lemon in the cupboard. I opened the refrigerator, and as luck would have it, I found a quart of lemonade.

I poured this concoction into the largest cake pan I could find. As I was about to put it into the oven, I remembered the baking powder. How is this cake going to bake if it doesnt have the baking powder?

Setting the cake pan down, I grabbed the baking powder and liberally sprinkled it on top of my batter. I have no idea what baking powder does but I put enough on my cake so it would do a good job.

Into the oven the cake went, and with a flick of the wrist I turned the temperature to 450 degrees. Remembering this was a big cake, I readjusted the temperature to 650.

The bigger the cake the hotter the oven, is what I always say.

Now all I needed to do was wait for my cake to bake. As I was waiting, I heard rumblings coming from the oven but just chalked that up to a good cake baking.

I guess I fell asleep, because the next thing I knew there was a strange odor permeating the air. It smelled a little smoky and then it dawned on me. My cake, its done.

What I pulled out of the oven did not resemble any cake I had ever seen. It looked like a burnt pancake, twice the size of the cake pan, with some kind of disease on the surface.

No amount of peanut butter icing in the world could camouflage this disaster.

It was about this time I began reassessing the idea of reading directions. Maybe instructions have a purpose after all.

I remember something the Apostle Paul said. Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15 KJV.)

To live right without getting burnt you need the right directions.

James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, Florida and can be contacted at jamessnyder2@att.net

It can happen to anyone, no matter how new or old your car. And, it can happen in the most unlikely of places in the most inconvenient circumstances. A flat tire is something that everyone should know how to fix and/or change, especially in cases where you are not a member of a travel club that can come out and fix it for you or you are in a remote area where you cannot call for help. Read the following tips of what to do from pulling off to the side of the road, to driving away with your doughnut.

While most modern steel-belted radial tires provide thousands of miles of trouble-free driving, there is still a possibility that your tire could get punctured by debris, experience a blow out, or just go flat. When any of those incidents happen, you need to be prepared.

Sometimes you may realize you have a flat tire when you head to the driveway to start your car. But more often, a flat tire occurs while driving. If one of your tires is punctured by highway debris while driving, the first thing you need to do is bring your vehicle to a complete and safe stop out of traffics way. Its really important not to panic when this happens, but instead to remain calm. It may be a reaction to slam on the brakes. Dont! This will make things worse. Just put on your blinker and pull over on the side of the road. Once stopped as far of the road as you can get, put on your flashers.

Before you attempt to do anything, you should make sure that your car is on a level surface. If not, you should try to move your car up the road a little ways to find a better area. Your first step is to make sure your car is in PARK. (If you are panicking, you may forget this obvious step as you exit your car!) If you are driving a vehicle with a manual transmission, place it in REVERSE. All passengers should exit the car as well and remain a safe distance from the road.

Your first step will be of course to make sure you have the necessities you need: a jack, spare tire and tool kit. Every car should have these. (This means not removing them when you are trying to find room for luggage!) You will want to remove these items from the trunk or hatchback and place them on the ground next to the flat tire.

Next, jack up the car. Jacks will vary by type of car, but chances are your owners manual will give you instructions on how to use the one that came with your vehicle. Before you jack of the car, if you can find some rocks, place one behind the wheel on the opposite side (diagonal). This will ensure that your car does not move during the process. Then, raise the vehicle just enough for the tire to clear the ground.

Start to remove the lug nuts with the socket wrench. Be sure you dont lose these! Take the wheel cover off, and then remove the flat tire. Next, put on the spare tire, replace wheel cover and secure with the nuts. Tighten them as much as possible. Next, lower the car just so the wheel touches the ground. Gather up your tools and flat tire and replace in your trunk.

It is never recommended to drive your car on a spare tire for long distances. So, once you are ready to safely pull back onto the road, you may want to head right home and make plans for dropping your car off for a new tire. If on vacation or on business, you will want to stop at the nearest garage to either have a new tire put on, or to have it repaired.

Michael Walker is a freelance author providing tips and hints on engine related topics such as JDM engines, used JDM engines and used Honda engines. His articles are a valuable source of information for the auto enthusiast.